*she’s too long for email so try on the site why don’t you?*
We have a lot to catch up on so just don’t stop scrolling.
Hailey, famously married, is trapped in her bathroom
I watched Hailey Bieber’s newest “Who’s in my Bathroom?” episode with Emily Ratajkowski. What compelled me to do this? Their looks, of course!
Also, I’ve been listening to One Less Lonely Girl a lot lately (for the vibes) after I saw a Tiktok of a woman’s husband trying *his hardest* to learn all of the lyrics (for reasons I’m sure). So the Bieber’s are deep in my algorithm right now.
I hope this youtube channel is giving Hailey purpose. She seems very committed to these videos? So committed that what was once was her “real bathroom” is now a set on a soundstage— like, with a crew. She’s doing with a crew of probably 10+ what Emma Chamberlain (an anomaly) has been doing solo for years— and with more success.
All of the episodes are the same: the guest enters the bathroom, they make a drink, they cook a dish (yes, in the bathroom), Hailey asks maybe four soft-ball questions, they play a single round of cornhole, and then it’s over. You do not learn anything about the guest, you do not learn anything about Hailey, and you certainly do not relax.
The pressure to keep the energy up, to fit all the little bits in the video: it’s ripe. I have never been more aware of someone's “jokes” than I am on this show. “We get crazy here in the bathroom!”: real words spoken by a millionaire. Hailey spends more time trying to convince us that we’re having fun than she does just…having fun.
At no point do we address the burning question: why a bathroom? Could we not be doing this more comfortably in a kitchen? Seeing as we’re, you know, eating and drinking. I can only assume it’s because bathrooms are famously a safe space for wealthy women who can afford to have the kind of bathrooms that have seating.
But again, I hope she’s finding purpose beyond being a famous wife.
Harry and I have everything in common
Harry announced his new upcoming album with a 40 second teaser because artists are self indulgent, which I love.
Harry is in an empty home and I, too, am moving. Clearly we have everything in common, so we should kiss.
The album is called “Harry’s House” which is not my favorite. I don’t personally think that following up “Fine Line”— an objectively fantastic name— with something that grandmas have etched onto door knockers was the move but, allora. It’s giving: Love lives here.
In the album cover he is wearing: a faded, wide-leg blue jean, an embroidered crepe babydoll top, and white ballet flats. How could he?
I hope Free People is working over-time to crank out everything they already sold me for too much money back in 2007.
I’m experiencing the same fears I was battling when Brigderton was a huge hit: the threat of the empire waist returning. Can you imagine? And now Harry is endorsing something even more fear mongering: the embroidered babydoll top.
No further comment, thank you.
She’s going to the Oscars thanks to US
Via instagram comment, the most cunning of platforms, Rachel Zegler casually revealed that she was not invited to the Academy Awards.
If you have seen West Side Story you should be furious about this.
Rachel is currently in the U.K. filming Snow White, which is of course a Disney production. Disney was also a production partner on West Side Story, so the buck kind of stops with them. The rumor is that because she’s first on the call sheet for Snow White it would be too expensive for them to pause production and fly her in and out of LA for the awards show.
This is a bad look. West Side Story continues to be plagued with bad luck: first Ansel Elgort’s accusations come to light while they’re in post production, and now the Academy isn’t inviting the star of the film.
This was Rachel Zegler’s first ever on-screen acting role and the movie is up for Best Picture. Plus, Disney is continuing to invest in her by casting her in the leading role of Snow White, another highly anticipated film. Why wouldn’t they promote in their rising star and let her celebrate at the Academy Awards? Disney can afford it!
Moreover, Steven Speilburg is not interested in walking the Oscars red carpet and having every news outlet say, “So, how do you feel about the star of your film not being invited?” He doesn't like getting publicly involved in Hollywood politics and you're going to put him in this position? Ludicrous .
Someone, somewhere, agreed with us. Thanks to the backlash online (which I think Rachel was smart to start), within just two days, the Academy announced that she will now be attending and presenting. We won this round. To the Rodeo Break community with me IG— we can claim this victory as our own.
Stop trying to make Brooklyn Beckham happen
I didn’t realize that Brooklyn had this Tommy Lee-esque tattoo that is heinous and off putting but learning this only furthers my point.
Brooklyn Beckham, born lucky, is really trying to make *something* of himself. He has been doing press for about a year now and yet I could not tell you what he’s promoting. That is because I refuse to actually believe that it is his cooking career.
Yes, a cooking career. A career in cooking. This is coming from the first born of Posh Spice.
He is making poke bowls that are 50% mayo, he’s going on the Today Show to make a bacon egg and cheese on white bread with ketchup. “Pork on pork” - Al Roker.
He’s been doing the press rounds for, like, a year. Just last week he did a “What’s in my bag?” Video with British Vogue, for reasons that are unclear. Almost as unclear as his entire career that he keeps trying to sell to us. If he wants to hop on the trend of hot guys making fast-paced cooking videos on Tiktok, then by all means, join them. (He currently has one Tiktok up of him making pasta with sauce from a jar.)
But no, Brooklyn needs more than sixty seconds. He has a full production cooking show on Facebook where he is operating with a crew of sixty. Sixty people leave work and say, “wow, another great day of producing a show with an unnecessary amount of resources and no viewers.”
60 people is about 54 people too many. Again, kids on Youtube are doing this exact same thing solo. Kids on Tiktok are doing this solo and editing with their thumbs.
I’m not sure who told him that Facebook was the place to launch what I’m sure will be a stellar career in heating jared sauces, but I can only assume he’s afraid of the Tiktok community— who will rip you to shreds one day, and make you viral the next. And honestly, someone I went to high school with is already doing this better and with more success. But Brooklyn, if all you want is to show us the different ways you eat rice, then follow your bliss.
Lol, that’s not his name lmao stop haha
Kylie Jenner, mother of two, has only been eating cereal with milk for four years. And yet, we allow ourselves to be surprised when she does ridiculous (read: stupid) things. I am of course referring to the fact that she has renamed her son, formerly known as Wolf.
Not only did she rename him, but in her announcement she manages to make everyone feel dumb for not reading her mind and knowing about the change sooner.
“We keep seeing ‘Wolf’ everywhere LOL” Uh, yeah sweet peach. Yeah. That’s because that’s what you named him so therefore that is how people are going to refer to him.. I’m so sorry for the confusion…. On your part.
And it somehow gets worse because she doesn’t actually tell us what the new name is. But she hates that we’re calling him Wolf, so we just won’t refer to him. We won't include him in the news that is your family’s life-source.
Now, “Stormi” is an awful name. It is the kind of name that only a 21 year old would give to their baby. I’m hoping that this next kid is not stuck with a similar, undesirable, name.
My predictions:
Jacques. This is Travis Nott’s real name and I feel like they’re going to pass it down to him.
Astro— which would be unfortunate considering
Pisces (that would be his sign) or something astrological
Man/ Guy or another phrase that means “male person” maybe even “dude”
Raini/ Cloudi/ Tsunami for obvious reasons
Bella Hadid is a ghost
Bella Hadid is on the cover of American Vogue this month accompanied by one of the most boring profiles I’ve read in recent history. Bella Hadid is an interesting person, she’s beloved in her industry, and she one of the most famous people in the world— and we couldn’t get a single fun anecdote about partying at the Met?
The profile was so lackluster that there seems to only be one take-away from the piece that has people talking: Bella’s nose job at 14.
The headlines are just too easy:
“Bella Hadid Finally Admits To Plastic Surgery After Years of Speculation”
“Child Abuse?! Bella Hadid Allowed to Go Under the Knife at Only 14”
“Bella Hadid Gets Plastic Surgery as a MINOR”
“Yolanda Hadid to Blame? Find Out Why Experts are Concerned After Bella’s Explosive Confession to Vogue”
Again, dull. Spent.
Of course she got a nose job, we all can see that plain as day. It’s like when Kylie (in the blue hair era) got her lips filled for the first time and we played dumb expecting someone to spell out for us exactly what had changed.
Bella got a nose job and now more than ever I see why she’s never admitted it; nothing else from her (boring) interview is in the headlines. Upon admitting it, we get nothing but another reminder that the media (men) are interested in learning about women only if their appearance and evidence of their insecurities are sewn into the equation.
To me the one truly interesting thing in the piece was the shocking comment that Bella Hadid’s frontal lobe is “asleep”:
“Daniel Amen, M.D., a psychiatrist … has told her, based on previous scans, that her frontal lobe has been asleep for the last eight years”
The writer of the piece, Rob Haskell, goes on to note that, “Amen is a polarizing figure in the field of psychiatry, having built his business around interventions that some say lack a robust, peer-reviewed evidence base.”
Now this is news! What does this mean! Literally, what does it mean? How can your brain be asleep without you dying or is this finally evidence that Bella is a ghost and/or alien-like creature? I believe it all.
They say that you’re pronounced dead when your brain stops working, but what about when it’s sleeping? How does it sleep? How do I know that my brain hasn’t been taking a nap for the past decade and I’m actually supposed to be teaching physics at MIT right now? Do I need to go to Aman and his shady-esque practices to get this kind of kooky diagnosis or can I skip the bill and just announce, here, live, that my brain is asleep and you wouldn’t believe what I would be achieving if I was at my full potential.
Look out world!
Other things Pete Davidson should get branded onto his body
It continues to be a great year to be Ben Affleck! Kim and Pete became Instagram official last week and their announcement included a screenshot from the 2010 thriller, The Town. Kim is a whole new woman! Posting memes, watching movies that she isn’t getting paid to promote—she’s feeling wild!
To me, this photo essentially confirms that they started dating as a publicity stunt. But unfortunately I have to let that go— which is hard for me.
They further cemented going public with their relationship when Kim appeared on Ellen (of #EndEllen) to promote their new Hulu show, The Kardashians, but mostly to promote her new relationship.
In her conversation with Ellen, Kim reveals that Pete has “a few tattoos, a few cute ones”. Meaning within their five month relationship he has gotten multiple permanent tattoos inked on his skin. Along with 1 “branding” like you do with cattle, that simply says “Kim”.
They don’t address that this branding was revealed via a screenshot that Kanye posted on Instagram during a fit of rage. His posting storm went from scary and stalker-ish to racist and full of hate speech. But #EndEllen would never address that!
We can’t be surprised that Pete has Kim’s name burned into his thin, thin, flesh. This is the same man who left his girlfriend of 2 years (Cazzie David) to be with Ariana Grande and proposed to her within a month. Making huge life decisions too quickly is Pete’s entire brand.
So if that’s the game we’re playing, here are some other things he should get burning into his skin forever:
A request for stock in Ariana Grande’s R.E.M. Beauty.
Some important things that he needs to remember: drink your water, have a snack, get some sunlight. He needs a daily reminder of these things, I fear
The words “almost brooklyn” because, I fear he will never emotionally leave Staten Island although he has promised a physical move to Brooklyn.
“Uncut Ghammms”, because he’s a superfan
I guess that’s all. It’s an honor just to be mentioned.
Introducing: hi from me
Hitting your inbox at an irregular and never planned out rate, a note/ story/ thought from me will be sent out in addition to your regular Rodeo Break :)
So on that note: I’m moving and I’ll only be in this apartment for one more bag of coffee: a metric my brain understands. If you live in New York and want to swap war stories about apartment hunting, please, email me.
Also, I watch F1 now and that feels important to mention.
Equally important, I started Celebrity Big Brother which is a crime, a headache, a war on interior design. I don't care what B-E list celebrity you are, no one deserves the crime against humanity that is the Big Brother living situation. I will go more in depth on this one day, when I bring myself to finish the season.
Also, I met a real human recently who watches The Bachelor and The Bachelorette but never Bachelor in Paradise. I was shell shocked. Can you imagine living like that? It’s like drinking a martini but then not eating the olives.
The only other thing in my mind is still the One Less Lonely Girl music video. Let me live! Particularly the note that says “I will buy you expensive chocolate”. And the fact that they are maybe thirteen but doing their laundry by themselves at a laundromat. Also, the lo-fi delivery— and I mean that on all fronts. The serotonin is high!
Anyway, I’m going to keep listening to the new Rosalía album while I stuff my life into cardboard boxes.
Ummm that Hailey Bieber bathroom thing is something else!!! I’m gobsmacked!!!