It feels silly to be writing about celebrities when we are watching a genocide play out in slow motion. My heart feels heavy everyday. This is a global tragedy that will haunt us forever. If you’re able to donate, I urge you to give what you can. If you’re unable to donate, I urge you to call your representatives and demand a ceasefire.
I hope my silly little emails can be a distraction from this cruelty.
Leo is a Birthday Boy
It’s funny any time he does anything because he always looks a little embarrassed. Why is that? He has RBF: resting bashful face.
Leonardo DiCaprio turned 49 which means he turned 50 because no one has ever been 49. He will be 50 until he is 55, and then he will be 55 for a very long time. Then he will be 60 for a while before his age becomes “like, 70 something” and stays there probably forever.
At the party he was making out with his child bride du jour: her name is Vittoria Ceretti, which is not Victoria but very close. They allegedly met at a nightclub in Ibiza, which will always be a hole in one for Leo, because no one over the age of 25 is at a nightclub in Ibiza. She is an Italian model and she is also seemingly married to an Italian DJ. She is his type (read: she is 25). I wonder if her husband was DJing when Leo laid eyes on her in the club.
I’m no math wiz, but being twice the age of your partner is, hmm… what’s the word….. Not right. Should we investigate what might be causing a grown man to seek a much younger partner? Some stunted development? Cripplingly insecurities? …Being Gross?
We can’t apply this kind of logic to Leonardo DiCaprio—He is but a character of the Hollywood scene! He’s just that kind of guy! (His Pussy Posse was in attendance, to ensure no one would ask any serious questions. Which I assume is a paid role.)
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