Two rich kids walk into Palm Beach…

Bravo invented Bennifer

This week we’re talking about liars (SZA), limpers (Jared Leto), engagements (You Know Who), the billionaire that chose to get married in Florida, and my couch.

Still waiting to see the prenup:

This issue was meant to be in your inboxes on Friday, as per ush. That is until I had the brilliant idea of waiting until after Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Poletz’s wedding— so that I could share all my thoughts on what compels a billionaire to get married in Florida. 

If this is their attempt at being “the everyman” then perhaps they shouldn’t have done it at her father’s 100million dollar estate. Honestly, it’s giving Mar-A-Lago— which is unfortunate.

News of who was at the wedding is still pretty limited, Serena Williams, Eva Longoria, Eva Chen. I’m glad I held out because photos have finally emerged and they are good. It looks like Vogue has the exclusive on their wedding, so I’m sure we will see a million videos emerge over the next couple of days of her and her stylist talking about the dress, a tour of the venue, etc. 

The dress is custom Valentino and I love it so much. So, so much. It’s classic, it’s retro, it’s youthful but very old Hollywood. I just know that if I was in high school right now I would be insisting on getting this dress in black for prom. And gloves- omni present gloves. Thanks, Kim. 

The wedding was reportedly a 3.5 million dollar expense. Pennies to Nicola and her billionaire father! 

We’ve only seen glimpses so far, but in general I was really hoping for a more traditionally English wedding. I wanted some top hats, maybe a choir etc. (Realizing that the only English weddings I’ve seen are for the royal family.) 

I’m happy for these two. I guess all of the aimless press they’ve been doing paid off. 

Zero pep in his step

Where does it end for method actors? And more importantly, why does it start? Lady Gaga going on and on about how she committed to speaking in an Italian accent for months during her (not snubbed) Oscars campaign was one thing. I don’t think her mostly-Italian-often-German accent was hurting anyone— but was it necessary? And now we have Jared Leto, making a rat race out of a bathroom trip. 

When I think of the concept of method acting I think of this Martin Freeman quote about Jim Carrey during Moon Man: 

“For me, and I’m genuinely sure Jim Carrey is a lovely and smart person, but it was the most self-aggrandizing, selfish, narcissistic fucking bollocks I have ever seen,” Freeman said of Carrey’s “Man on the Moon” method acting. “The idea that anything in our culture would celebrate or support it is deranged, literally deranged.”

This feels harsh, but I vibe with it. Method acting doesn’t serve you or the production when it is actively making other people’s lives harder. 

Morbius is a Marvel movie that exists, and Morbius is a Marvel character who apparently suffers from chronic pain due to a blood disorder. Jared is playing Morbius in the film and because he’s *method* he insisted on walking with a limp during filming. As in, during the several month span that this movie was shot, not just while on camera. Again, for the *method*.  

I’m of course not familiar with Morbius, and the severity of his limp, but the Jared Leto version is, apparently, very serious. The Limp is so dire that it would take him 45 minutes to go back and forth to the bathroom. 

These bathroom trips were taking up so much of the day that production fell behind schedule. As in, a huge Marvel film, likely shelling hundreds of thousands of dollars a week, is becoming tardy because one Jared Leto couldn’t possibly break character and… walk. The bathroom breaks were eating up so much of their production time that they gave him a wheelchair to speed up the process without him having to break character. So now a pouting Morbius (villain, I assume?) is being wheeled around a soundstage, like all the great comic book legends. 

Paper Magazine reported on this story flatly saying on their Instagram: “Should ‘method actors’ have rights?” To which I say, not when they’re Jared Leto! 

TW: jump scare 

SZA: a lie

Compared to the *hideous* *disaster* that was the Oscars, I thought the Grammys were fun, well produced, high production value, and didn’t drag. That being said, the awards never go to the right people, but that’s another issue for another time. 

The only thing from the Grammy’s that I’m still thinking about is SZA and her crutches. This is funny to me because I just saw a TikTok about how SZA is a pathological liar. I can’t confirm this, no one can, because what is the truth? 

Her and Doja Cat won Best Pop Duo Performance for their song “Kiss Me More” (a bop). SZA didn’t walk the red carpet so when their names were called you see her for the first time, with said crutches. She allegedly fell getting out of bed that morning which caused the injured ankle. But again, we can’t be so sure.  

When she gets up to accept the award one moment she’s on the crutches, struggling to get up the first step, from there she seemingly has no problem climbing the following steps. The next thing you know, she’s on both feet scurrying across the stage in platform heels holding her crutches away from her body. So. You tell me.  

The acceptance speech? No notes. 

All roads lead to Bravo :) 

The pandemic has officially lasted two Jlo engagements and one Deep Water receiving 37% on Rotten Tomatoes. 

Ben and Jen are engaged!! As in for marriage! As in again! Out with the large pink diamond! In with the larger green diamond! 

As with all that is good in this world: we have Bravo to thank. Craig Canover and Madison LeCroy of Southern Charm are responsible for the Bennifer reunion, and that’s a fact. 

When Jlo was engaged to Alex Rodrigo (Coldplay fan), rumors started swirling that he was maybe not being faithful to her. In particular, a rumor that he had been hanging out with one Madison LeCroy. It’s important to note that Madison is the worst. She was only on the show because she was dating Austen (also the worst) and their relationship quickly went up in flames, and then sustained a very low, painful, simmer. 

In between season 8 wrapping and filming the reunion, the news broke of Madison and Arod maybe having a private rendezvous in Charleston. Madison is on a reality tv show, so of course she loved these rumors and milked them for all they were worth. 

At the reunion, the rumors are obviously brought up, you can always count on Andy for this. While Madison is lightly trying to deflect (clearly an NDA at work), a visibly drunk Craig exposes the rumors on camera in the hope that Madison will please leave his best friend, Austen, alone. 

And there you have it. Within a week or two Jlo and Arod are broken up. And what felt like moments after that, Bennifer is back.

When they reunited I assumed it was too good to be true. Bennifer of Bennifer, of inventors of the celebrity couple name, inventor of Google Images, inventor of tabloid culture (in many ways), that Bennifer was reuniting for the full circle serotonin we all deserve. 

Bennifer, whatever you do, do not invite me to a wedding between the months of August and October- I am absolutely stacked. 

(Fun fact about my summer: I have 3 weddings 3 weekends in a row: one in Southern California, one in Portugal, and one in Northern California. In that order.) 

The Viscount 

Johnathan Bailey, the object of my affection, is openly gay, 33, and great at posing. He is also the bright light in season 2 of Bridgerton, which was otherwise filled with subpar performances. 

Did we not know what we had with season 1? Did we not appreciate it enough at the time? Now I’m here, lusting after a man with sideburns all because he is opposite a series of wild accents and unnecessary eye contact.

The performances this season were camp in the wrong way. The show is camp, it’s wild, it doesn't have a foot or a finger in reality. The thing that makes it real for the viewer, is that it’s filled with characters completely immersed in their world. That never happened during season 2. Season 2 was a sizzle reel of people trying to get cast on Bridgerton instead of Bridgerton. 

That’s all until I finish the season, three eps to go.

Also,

Thank you so much to everyone who reached out about my move! It was hell on wheels getting in here. We left pretty much all of our furniture behind so we’re starting from scratch, which is nice. Except that after days and days of looking at beautiful cream colored couches, we suddenly became compelled to order a teal couch. Teal. I will report back.

Literally my couch:

Thanks for coming to the Rodeo XOXO